In light of the upcoming chaos and mania that will no doubt ensue as we all attempt to do our shopping during the last few weeks before Christmas, I thought it was about time I did a Rules of Supermarket Shopping post. Feel free to print it out and ask your local supermarket manager to consider enforcing it for the next two weeks or until some semblance of normality returns. Not only will this help to keep us all sane (and alive) but also hopefully avoid any lost tempers and screaming tantrums.
1. All shoppers on entering the Supermarket will keep to the left hand side at all times and especially when navigating any of the aisles. A white line will be drawn down the middle of every aisle to aid shoppers in keeping to this basic rule. Failure to keep to the left will result in instant ejection from the Supermarket by our resident bouncers and a shopping ban lasting until January the 1st.
2. All shoppers must keep moving at all times when travelling down any of the aisles. Any shopper caught standing still will be forcibly removed from the store by our resident Christmas bouncers. Excuses of ‘I couldn’t find what I wanted’, ‘I haven’t seen so and so for ages’ or ‘I felt faint’ will not be considered by the management as a valid excuse for loitering. This causes Trolley Jams!
3. Only one trolley per shopper. It is not permitted at this busy time of year for couples to take one trolley each. Shoppers will have to return at a later time if they need to purchase more shopping.
4. It is highly recommended by the management that all children be left at home during this busy shopping time but if this is not possible, they can be left with the Supermarket
bouncers Staff in the car park where we have provided a tent full of cardboard boxes to keep them amused.
5. All shoppers on reaching the checkouts, must form an orderly queue in a straight line. Pushing and shoving will not be tolerated. Bouncers will be on hand to supervise and control the checkout queues.
6. Any shopper found jumping the checkout queue will be forcefully ejected from the supermarket and their shopping items confiscated immediately.
7. Anyone using the Wheelchair shoppers must also adhere to the left hand side rule above. No exceptions will be permitted.
8. Any shopper found deliberately ramming other shoppers with their trolley will be banned from using the supermarket for life. Cameras are employed in every aisle in order to check the conduct of shoppers.