Thursday, 9 December 2010

Supermarket Rules during Christmas.

In light of the upcoming chaos and mania that will no doubt ensue as we all attempt to do our shopping during the last few weeks before Christmas, I thought it was about time I did a Rules of Supermarket Shopping post.  Feel free to print it out and ask your local supermarket manager to consider enforcing it for the next two weeks or until some semblance of normality returns. Not only will this help to keep us all sane (and alive)  but also hopefully avoid any lost tempers and screaming tantrums.

Keep Left

1. All shoppers on entering the Supermarket will keep to the left hand side at all times and especially when navigating any of the aisles. A white line will be drawn down the middle of every aisle to aid shoppers in keeping to this basic rule. Failure to keep to the left will result in instant ejection from the Supermarket by our resident bouncers and a shopping ban lasting until January the 1st.


2. All shoppers must keep moving at all times when travelling down any of the aisles. Any shopper caught standing still will be forcibly removed from the store by our resident Christmas bouncers.  Excuses of ‘I couldn’t find what I wanted’, ‘I haven’t seen so and so for ages’ or ‘I felt faint’ will not be considered by the management as a valid excuse for loitering.  This causes Trolley Jams!

3. Only one trolley per shopper. It is not permitted at this busy time of year for couples to take one trolley each. Shoppers will have to return at a later time if they need to purchase more shopping.

4. It is highly recommended by the management that all children be left at home during this busy shopping time but if this is not possible, they can be left with the Supermarket bouncers Staff  in the car park where we have provided a tent full of cardboard boxes to keep them amused.

Supermarket Trolleys

5. All shoppers on reaching the checkouts, must form an orderly queue in a straight line. Pushing and shoving will not be tolerated. Bouncers will be on hand  to supervise and control the checkout queues. 

6. Any shopper found jumping the checkout queue will be forcefully ejected from the supermarket and their shopping items confiscated immediately.

7. Anyone using the Wheelchair shoppers must also adhere to the left hand side rule above. No exceptions will be permitted.

8. Any shopper found deliberately ramming other shoppers with their trolley will be banned from using the supermarket for life. Cameras are employed in every aisle in order to check the conduct of shoppers.

Your full cooperation in adhering to the above rules over the busy Christmas period will be greatly appreciated. Wishing all shoppers a very merry Christmas! Holly

The  Manager   



  1. hand signals when changing direction and reversing beepers and brake lights might help too for those who are completely incompetent shoppers.

  2. Drat! I missed that one out! thanks Diane. However, you would not be allowed to do any reversing. Forward movement allowed only.

  3. Many moons ago, when I lived in the Falkirk area, Tesco opened 24 hours a day, so I decided to take an hour or so off my nightshift to do my shopping at 3 in the morning. I think all od Falkirk had got up in the middle of the night to do their christmas shopping!!
    Christmas supermarkets - defininately a candidate for room 101

  4. Oh we've all tried that little tactic Sandy! Trouble is if you decide to go at midnight or any other time hoping against hope that the supermarket will be empty, you can guarantee that everyone else has the exact same idea!

  5. Oh, great! As if it wasn't bad enough already, now we have to drive on the wrong side!

  6. It's the right side for us over here though Rocket Man. Of course in the US you can alter the rules to state that all shoppers keep to the right hand side of the aisles.

  7. It really makes little difference as folks from all over the county come to shop in our town. Trying to get down the aisles on either side is often frustrating as people just stop, 2 or 3 trolleys wide, to catch up on each others lives. Frankie has the bad habit of joining in while I keep moving if at all possible.

  8. You're right, it's the same in every grocery store whether it's left or right. What really gets my goat is when you get to the end of an aisle and someone turns smack into you without a glance. It's funny, I always say I'm sorry and yet I'm the one that didn't make the turn or even budge. Gets worse as the stores get more crowded over the holidays, lol. Wear knee and shin pads!

  9. You Definately need to hand these rules over to your Supermarket Manager then Rocket Man! There would be none of that then (but warn Frankie not to stop for any reason,or she might be dealt with by burley bouncers!)
    Yes Jenny that's an idea! Though supermarket trolleys tend to catch you on the heels which is very painful I find. There are some right aisle hogs doing their shopping!

  10. It is so much easier over here in the USofA - that's the colonies, in case you didn't know. We drive right down the middle of the aisles, picking items from right and left, after taking all the needed time carefully studying the ingredients lists. One does have to ignore the other shoppers. We don't have bouncers, but I have been in several groceries who employ armed guards - much more intimidating! Of course, we don't use trolleys, those are those quaint rolly things they had on British Caledonian Airlines - back in the good old days. No, we use "carts" or formally "shopping carts" over here. Strange, though, they do look very much like your trolleys. There are no queues at the check-out stations either, we do have an occasional line of impatient shoppers. Nor do we have car parks, oveflowing parking lots, yes. Bell ringers, and other well-wishers at the doors, all happily shouting "Merry Christmas" - Exactly like my wishes to you!

  11. Different termanology that's all Ludwig. We call them trolleys, you call them carts. All through the Christmas shopping piled sky high! Armed guards/Bouncers same thing! To keep you all in line! You are lucky if you don't get queues at the checkouts.
    Mind you, we are renowned for being a nation of queuers. We seem to love to do it at every opportunity. Queuing for buses, trains, checkouts you name it, we're in it.

  12. LOL great post TG , I hate supermarkets at this time of year, I could scream. Not much shopping to do now glad to say. Enjoyed this one ...

  13. Braved all and ventured in today to pick something up and because we bumped into my sister and my nephew and stood talking (not in one of the narrower aisles but in the wider part, we had the usual dagger looks from other shoppers and the curt 'Excuse me!' as they barged past us. There was ample room on either side's that time of year when tempers are frayed. (reminder to self, print this post out and hand it in to the Tesco's management.) NOW!


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