As I awoke the other morning, I suddenly realised I was not alone in my bedroom. An unwelcome visitor was perched above my bed. It had cunningly placed itself right in the join where the wall butts up to the ceiling. It was a huge spider. It didn’t appear as if it had any intentions of moving, such as descending onto my bed or skittering along the wall, but I do take umbrage to any creature who decides to enter my bedroom uninvited. They are not welcome, especially when poised over my place of refuge. However, the method of disposal needed a great deal of thought on my part.
I was no longer as agile as I used to be. Would the usual method of ‘get up close and personal and then swoop swiftly and silently with a tissue’ work? After all, creeping up unseen and with intentions to squash is not all that easy with spiders. They have lot’s of eyes and seem to have an inbuilt sense of your intentions. I have in the past had them leap and jump out of the way despite the fact that my hand seemed to be like grease lightening as it descended on their bodies. What was important at all costs was to avoid that occurring or all I would end up with would be a very large spider scuttling around in my bed and that was the last thing I wanted.
As I stood there pondering my next move, I realised that it was probably watching me. It could for all I knew, be reading my thoughts. How do we know that spiders aren’t psychic? I worked through my options in my mind. Because he was firmly planted in the join between the wall and ceiling, tackling him with a tissue or kitchen towel would necessitate my climbing on the bed then teetering about standing on the mattress before I made my lightening strike. Any spider worth its salt would surely see my arrival coming and also read my intentions! The other method of extermination open to me, given that he was perched so high, was to employ the vacuum cleaner, or should I say the crevice nozzle of the vacuum cleaner. Hmm.
Using the nozzle would take time to employ however, as it did need connecting together first. Would he wait around whilst I connected the means to his demise? Realising that I was wasting time pondering over it, I scurried off to the cupboard where I keep the vacuum and hastened back with it. He hadn’t moved from his spot thank goodness, so I quickly plugged the vacuum into the mains, connected all of the pipes and the crevice nozzle and switched on. Would he sense my intentions and leg it along the join? I approached apprehensively, the vacuum sounding like a jet engine taking off. Do spiders have ears? I had to be swift. Up soared the nozzle, he felt the suction and tried to wriggle against it as he disappeared from view down the nozzle and into the insides of my vacuum cleaner.
A feeling of guilt came over me as I quickly packed the nozzles into their respective holders and returned the vacuum to its cupboard. Of course, being me, I still didn’t feel at rest. That night, as I lay in bed trying to drift off to sleep, my minds eye could see him still alive inside the innards of the vacuum cleaner, making his way out of it through all the dust and fluff with only one intention, revenge! He would scuttle along the carpet into my bedroom, climb up the valance and crawl all over me as I slept! Could a spider live through the trauma of being sucked up a nozzle and into the innards of a vacuum cleaner? Only time will tell.